A GIFT FOR YOU...pprrsbbbttttttt

"And of his malice he drank much more by a hundred times than he had ever done before. And soon after this cursed, wrathful wretch caused this knight's son to be brought, and commanded him to stand before him; and directly he took his bow, and pulled the string up to his ear and slew the child with an arrow. 'Now, do I have a sure hand or no?' he said. 'Is all my might and mind gone? Has wine robbed me of my eyesight?' Why should I tell the knight's answer? His son was slain; there is no more to be said. Beware, therefore, how you jest with lords. Sing Placebo; and so shall I, whenever I am able, unless it be to a poor man. To a poor man we should show his faults, but not to a lord, though he may be going to hell. 2078

"Lo wrathful Cyrus, that Persian, how he destroyed the river of Gysen, because a horse of his was drowned in it, when he went to conquer Babylon! He made that river so little that women could wade across it everywhere. 2084

"Lo, what he said who knows so well how to teach? 'Be no friend to an angry man, nor walk by the way with a madman, unless you repent.' There is no need to say more. Now leave your wrath, Thomas, dear brother; you shall find me as precise as a carpenter's square. Do not hold the Devil's knife ever at your heart; your wrath wounds you all too sorely. But show me all your confession." 2088

"No," said the sick man, "by Saint Simon! I have been confessed this day by my parson. I have told him my condition fully. There is no need to speak of it any more, unless I wish to do so out of my own humility." 2098

"Give me, then, some of your gold for the building of our holy house," said the friar, "for, to erect it, many mussels and many oysters have been our food, while other men have lived delicately. And yet, God knows, the foundation is scarcely finished, and as to the pavement, there is not a tile yet within our walls. By God, we owe forty pounds for stones! 2106

"Now, Thomas, help, for the sake of Him Who harrowed hell! Otherwise we must sell our books, and if you lack our preaching, then the whole world will go fully to destruction. For whoever would rob the world of us, so God save me, and by your leave, Thomas, he would steal the sun out of this world. For who can teach and work like us? And that is not only lately," he said, "but since Elijah was, or Elisha, there have been friars with their charity--our Lord be thanked--that I find recorded. Now help, Thomas, for holy charity's sake!" And down he went on his knees then. 2120

This sick man grew nearly insane with wrath. He wished that the friar were in the flames, with his false deception. 2123

"Such a thing as is in my possession," he said, "that I can give, and nothing else. You tell me how I am your brother?" 2126


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FRIAR IS A REAL HYPOCRITICAL A$$HOLE

"O, Thomas, do you do so?" answered the friar. "Why do you need to seek various friars? If one has a perfect physician, why would he need to seek other physicians in the town? Your inconstancy is your ruin. Do you think me, then, or our convent, insufficient to pray for you? Thomas, that joke is not worth a mite; your malady comes because we have had too little. 'Ah, give half a quarter of rye to this convent!' 'Ah, give four-and-twenty groats to that convent!' 'Ah, give a penny to that friar, and let him go!' No, no, Thomas, it should not in any way be so. What is a farthing worth if it is to be parted in twelve? So, everything which is all united is stronger than when it is dispersed. You shall not be flattered by me; you would have our labor all for nothing, Thomas! The high God, who has created this whole world, says that the laborer is worthy of his hire. Thomas, I would have nothing of your treasure for myself, but because our whole convent is ever so diligent to pray for you, and to build Christ's own church. Thomas, if you would but learn to help at building up of churches, you may find whether it may be good to do, in the life of St. Thomas of India. You lie here, full of anger and wrath, with which the Devil sets your heart blazing, and scold this blameless innocent here, your wife, who is so patient and meek. And therefore, Thomas, for your own good, if you will believe me, do not fight with your wife. And carry this word away with you now; lo, what the wise man says concerning this matter, 'Be not a lion within your house; oppress not your subjects, and cause not your acquaintance to flee from you.' 1991

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F*CKING FRIAR: A TALE

 Gentle people, I believe there is in Yorkshire a marshy country called Holderness, about which went a limiter to preach and to beg as well. And so it happened that this friar had preached one day at a church according to his fashion; and especially and above all in his preaching he stirred up the people to pay for trentals, and for God's sake to give toward the building of holy houses, where divine service is celebrated, not where holy church's goods are wasted and consumed, nor where charitable offerings are not needed, as among these possessioners, who can live, God be thanked, in wealth and abundance! 1723

"Trentals deliver from pains your friends' souls, young and old," he said; "yes, even when they are sung without any pause between them. A priest may remain jolly and merry, even though he may sing more than one mass a day. Deliver their souls at once; it is very harsh to be clawed with awls or flesh-hooks, or to burn or bake. Now for Christ's sake, do not delay!" 1732

And when this friar had spoken his mind entirely, once ha had said "Qui cum Patre", and after the people in church had given him what they would, he delayed no longer, but went his way, with his bag for alms, his tipped staff, and his frock tucked high into his belt. He began to peep and pry into every house, and beg bread and cheese, or else wheat. His companion had a staff tipped with a horn, a pair of tablets of ivory and a neatly polished stylus, and as he stood, he at all times wrote the names of all the people that gave him anything, as if he would pray for them. 1745

Give us a bushel of wheat, malt, or rye, a God's cake, or a morsel of cheese, or else what you wish, as we can not be choosers; a God's half-penny or a mass-penny, or give us of your swine's flesh, if you have some; a strip of your blanket, dear lady, our dear sister--see, I write your name here--bacon or beef or any such thing that you may have." 1754

A sturdy ruffian who was their servant at the friar's convent went behind them at all times,; and he bore on his back a bag in which he carried whatever people gave them. And without delay when the friar was out of the door, he scraped away every one of the names that he had written in his tablets; he served them with fables and silly stories. 1760

"No," cried the Friar, "there you lie, you Summoner!" 1761

"Peace," said our Host, "for the love of Christ's dear Mother. Tell us your story and leave nothing out." 1763

"On my life," said this Summoner, "and so I shall." He went from house to house so long until he came to a house where he was usually refreshed more than in a hundred other places. 1767

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RANT:FRIAR=SATAN

 

**Note: Due to time constraints, the Summoner's Tale is entirely quoted from a modern translation of the tale found here; it has not been re-written for The Canterbury Tales Project.**

PROLOGUE

The Summoner stood up high in his stirrups. His heart was so maddened against this Friar that he quaked with wrath like an aspen leaf. "Gentle people, I ask just one thing," he said. "I ask you for your courtesy, since you have heard this false Friar lie, to allow me to tell my tale! This Friar boasts that he knows about hell, and it is a small wonder, God knows. Friars and fiends are only a little apart. For you have often heard, by God, how a friar's spirit was once carried off to hell in a vision, and as an angel led him about to show him all the pains there, he did not see a friar in the entire place; he saw plenty of other people in woe. 1681

Then the friar spoke to this angel, "Now, sir," he said, "do friars such grace that none of them shall come to this place?" 1684

"Yes, many millions!" said this angel, and led him down to Satan. "Now, Satan," he said, "has a tail broader than the sail of a barge. Rise up, Satan," he cried, "let the friar see where the nest of friars is in this place!" 1691

 

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RNDM POSTIN vfdgd

FSKLF: SMKSL:DFKMLS:D

heeehehe 1'm DRNUK.. and... ANGDRHY!!! 

RANTTANANRANT!!  THSI IS MY R@ANT!!!

I AM DEFFFIN8LYY AN ANGRY DRUNKST,.. LOL


WAIT, y AM I angry agaIN??

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....TOO MUCH J.D.

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